Alphonso Brake: Its a christmas story tale more a parody than a joke but its quite funny :A little girl was walking through the forest, playing with the snow. Suddenly from one bush came out one big black shi.t. The shi.t said to the girl: Little girl Im going to eat you. But the girl remained calm and replyed : No, shi.t, Im going to eat you. And the girl ate the shi.t.And so kids the good once again has defeated the evil....Show more
Verena Koop: Patient: Doctor doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live! Doctor: Just a minute.These three women, a redhead, a brunette and a blonde died and were going to go to heaven. God said, "There are 1000 steps to get to heaven, and on each step I am going to tell you a joke. If you laugh, then you can't go to heaven." So the brunette got up to the 5th joke and laughed. The redhead got up to the 50th and laughed. The blonde got up to the 999th one when she laughed. God asked, "Why did you laugh you were so close!!!!" The blonde s! aid, "Because I just got the meaning of the first joke!'Alright, there's a plane that's crashing. On it are 4 people: the world's smartest man, the world's richest man, a priest, and a kid. There are 3 parachutes. The world's richest man takes one and says, "I can buy things," and he jumps. The world's smartest man says,"I can invent things," and he takes one and jumps. The priest says, "Son, take the last one. Your life is more valuable than mine." Then, the kid says, "But Mr. Priest! There are 2 parachutes left! The world's smartest man just took my backpack!" Q.How do you drown a blonde?A.Stick A scratch-and-sniff sticker to the bottom of a pool and tell her to go smell it.Q: What do you call a person with a rubber toe? A: Roberto...Show more
Elvie Drumgoole: Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive one of these things?"The world is a dangerous place. Just yesterday I went into a drugstore and punched someone in the face.! When someone close to you dies, change seats.No matter how muc! h you give a homeless person for food... you never get that food.Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes....Show more
Natalya Sydney: What's the difference between an SUV and a golf ball?Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball more than 250 yards.
Chet Nozick: A hen goes into a library and says "Buck!" so the librarian gives it a book. The next day the hen comes back and says "Buck buck!" so the librarian gives it 2 books. The third day, it comes back and says "Buck buck buck!" so the librarian gives it 3 books. As the hen leaves, the librarian thinks to herself, "I've never met a hen that could read so quickly!", so she decides to follow the hen. The hen leaves the library and goes into a little house. The librarian looks in through the window and sees the hen walk up to a frog, lying in bed with a cool flannel on its head and a thermometer in its mouth. The hen hands each of the books to the frog, and as it hands each one over, the frog says, "Reddit... reddit! ... reddit..."It's funnier when you make the animal noises. I think I heard Stephen Fry tell it on QI :)...Show more
Emeline Albracht: what do u call a nosy pepper? jalapeno business!
Ismael Sixon: What do you call a Salmon that's really mean?Fishious! What do you call a dark figure working in a resturant?Darth waiter!
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